DUN, DUN, DUN

I have had frustrating days….and slightly angry days……and tired days……and I MISS REAL MILK days……but I have yet to have a really horrible day until yesterday. Maybe this makes me lucky, but it still resulted in a full-out balling session after school!

Yesterday, during my first class of the day (grade 12 chemistry), I had a student tell me that I was a bad teacher. (Insert a long pause here. Or so it felt like time went on forever at this moment). I wasn’t really sure how to respond, I just knew that I was instantly crushed by this remark. No one likes to be told they are bad at ANYTHING, especially when they believe they are doing a good job with it (I thought I was off to a great start!). So……..as if the initial comment was not upsetting enough, the student continued to say that I “am never prepared for class and don’t know how to explain anything”. Not prepared? I think this was what got me. All of the late-night effort and early morning review was reduced to “bad teaching”.

KNOCK, KNOCK. Before I had time to speak with the student individually, the guidance counsellor (a very sweet lady that I absolutely adore) arrived to speak to the grade 12’s about university applications. Lucky me? Or lucky student?! I was certainly on the verge of tears and embraced the opportunity to step into my office and regroup for period 2.

The student (a boy that I will now refer to as……NO-CABLE-TV <-- this is the “worst” nickname I could think of in my tv-deprived state…) is also a member of my second period class. Again, lucky me? Or lucky HIM?! I can now answer this question with a confidence. Me – not so lucky. NO-CABLE-TV let me see just how CRAZY he really is. You may not believe this is true (because I still don’t believe this is true), but I overheard him discussing how much he hated “her” (which is ME) and how he wanted to “shoot me between the eyes” (insert gun motion here). Obviously, I responded with great emotion…..all the way to the Principal’s office where I found out that NO-CABLE-TV was suspended last year for threatening other students. Hmmmm….and WHY is he still here? Rumour is – he has anger management problems. NO KIDDING. I think this incident makes the rumour……..TRUE.

I was on the verge of tears all day long. Despite the whiteboards decorated with “miss Lindsay is THE BEST” (my grade 11’s are amazing)….despite the parents who said “you are a blessing. My child has never connected with a teacher before” (we had curriculum night last night)…..despite a student telling me that “bad kids aren’t bad in your class miss”….despite all of the good things in my day….the negativity accompanying NO-CABLE-TV stayed with me. ALL DAY LONG. I tried to put on a smiley face for my other classes of course. I didn’t want them to sense my sadness and I think I put all of my energy into hiding it very well. My bus ride home was quiet…I walked into my bedroom and cried as soon as I got home.

I’m not sure whether it was the “bad teacher” comment or the insane “I want to kill her” statement that made me the most upset. NO-CABLE-TV is always late for class, never writes notes, does not do his homework, and uses class time ineffectively. Therefore, I know it is completely irrational to believe his thoughts. Yet, still, the words hurt. Confused and still upset, I fell asleep at 8:30 and woke up this morning with a semi-forced smile. This evening, though, after an evening of tea parties with fabulous friends……….the SMILE is real again :)